my phone needs a breathalizer
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
