I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
