I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
