he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize
