I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
