I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
two words: eviction party
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
