i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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