she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
