I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Can you bring me the toilet please
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
