I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
