Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
