Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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