Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
