That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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