...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
