Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
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tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
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definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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