I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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