she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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