the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
