There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
