i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
