Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
