Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
