Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
