Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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