I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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