a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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