im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
