I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
