i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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