i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
