Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
