break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
