I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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