Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
