Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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