I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
