Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
