I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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