That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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