I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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