if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
