just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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