A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
