Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
