We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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