I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
