YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
