wakey wakey hands off snakey
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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