I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
