I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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