Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
