Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
