This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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