he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
