Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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