Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
